9 Strange Things Nobody’s Going to Tell You About Motherhood

Ah, motherhood. It’s glorious. It’s indescribable. It’s magical. And, oh yeah, it’s FULL of surprises — some that you’ll like, others that you won’t, and a few that will just leave you wondering what the heck is going on.

Here are 9 of the wonderful, woeful, and just plain strange things that await you in the land of motherhood:

  1. You’re going to do a lot of singing. And I don’t mean belting out your best Mariah Carey or Christina Aguilera impersonation. I mean you’ll turn everyday, ordinary activities and processes into songs, like “today we’re going to take a bath — la la la — take a bathyes yes yes.” Keep it up and you might be on American Idol!
  2. You will become an EXPERT in both diaper procurement and diaper installation. Truly, this should be a specialized skill that you can put on your LinkedIn profile and resume, like electrical wiring or foundation repair.
  3. You will discover a distinct difference between cleanliness and tidiness. Unless you happen to have one of those maids like they do on Downton Abbey, you will strive to achieve the former, but will totally ignore the latter — and that is perfectly fine. Being a perfectionist is great, but finding pragmatic solutions is more often the priority for new mothers, and one of these could simply be hiring a temporary maid service to help with the cleaning and general tasks around the house.
  4. You’ll empathize with other parents. You’ll look into their eyes, they’ll look into your eyes, and you’ll bond and understand each other on a deep, primal level. Often, the telepathic conversation goes like this: “When was the last time you slept more than four hours in a row? “I don’t know.” “Me neither.”
  5. You’ll gain some new friends, and lose some old friends. It just happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
  6. You’ll feel like starting a blog so that you don’t have to answer endless questions like “when are you going back to work?” or “what do you think about homeschooling?”
  7. Your sex life will probably sex die. That’s OK. It’ll come back later when it’s time. You’ll have other interests and priorities.
  8. You’ll never get bored, because no two days are the same. Actually, no two hours are the same.
  9. You will be amazed, astonished and in awe — and words won’t be able to describe how you feel. (Ok, you might already expect this, but I wanted to end things on a positive note!)