relationship Archives - Serendipity Mommy

Are You Ready to Start a Family? 4 Things to Consider First!

June 19, 2018 by Mandy

Intuition is a powerful thing. No matter how compelling logical arguments are, there’s something to be said for the pull of an intuitive sense –– a gut feeling. If something doesn’t sit well with you (literally), then there’s probably a serious problem with it. Knowing when to start a family, then, is a process that requires both sound logic and a bit of intuition as well. After all, there’s always going to be some reason why you could hesitate to have kids. Nevertheless, today we’re going to examine four aspects of parental life so that when you make your decision –– you can do so from an informed position:

Location Location Location

It’s no understatement to say that a child changes everything about a person’s life –– and their home is no exception. In addition to making basic accommodations (like baby-proofing your house) you should scrutinize everything about your residence before you decide to have kids. The number of rooms, size of the yard, quality of neighborhood and school district, as well as a myriad of other factors should all help determine if your home is suitable for the arrival of a little one.

Discipline and Motivation

Parents are required to go the extra mile for their children all the time. Sometimes that means waking up at three in the morning to buy cold medicine; other times that could entail driving them to soccer practice after a long day at work. If you truly revere your own personal “me” time, you might want to reconsider the parenteral route for now. There’s nothing wrong with loving a sleep-in on the weekends, but if you want to be the best parent you can be, you’ll have to relinquish hobbies like that.

Stability

Does your job take you out of town regularly? Do you and your current partner struggle to maintain normalcy and quarrel often? Have you experienced financial hardship recently? If you’ve answered “yes” to any of the above questions you may want to rethink the timing of your decision to have kids. Children crave a stable environment, and the fewer upheavals you have in your own personal life, the better suited you’ll be to creating a healthy atmosphere for your child.

Fertility Issues

It may not be the first thing that people want to consider, but if you’re serious about starting a family you should look into your ability to conceive children. Educating yourself on everything from a healthy sperm count to tuboplasty procedure is imperative if you’re going to tackle any potential fertility issues you or your partner might encounter. Furthermore, it’s also wise to explore the intricacies of other options like adoption early on. Of course none of these decisions should be taken lightly, so you’ll want to research as many aspects of parenting as possible.

5 Must-Know Tips for Keeping a Healthy Relationship With Your Aging Parents

April 16, 2018 by Mandy

It may feel tricky to keep a loving and healthy relationship with aging parents. Click here to discover what you need to know to keep the peace.

The average life expectancy in the U.S. has dropped twice over the last two years. But despite this decline, Americans are still living for more than 78 years in most cases. As a result, the number of aging parents throughout the country is on the rise–and their children are having to find ways to maintain healthy relationships with them.

If you have older parents, you’re well aware of the fact that it can be difficult to manage a close relationship with them due to a number of factors. For example, many parents are completely unwilling to relinquish control of their finances as they get older, even though they’re not able to deal with them on their own.

But despite the challenges, there are some ways you can continue to have a solid relationship with your aging parents.

Here are some tips that will help you do it.

1. Have Difficult Conversations With Your Aging Parents as Early as Possible

Make no mistake about it: If you have aging parents, you will have to have difficult conversations with them at some point. You will need to discuss things like:

Their financial situation
Where they want to live when they can no longer live on their own
Who they want to take care of them when their health declines

It can be really easy to put these conversations off until you absolutely have to have them. But unfortunately, if you wait until that point, it will probably be too late for you to do it in a way that makes everyone feel comfortable.

Even if your parents are in perfect health right now, it’s not too early to sit them down and talk about what they want you to do if their health should decline. While it might not be the most pleasant conversation to have, your aging parents will more than likely appreciate the fact that you want to do what is best for them.

It’s also not too early to talk about where your parents might want to live one day if they aren’t able to live on their own. While you might face some resistance from your parents when talking about assisted living facilities and other options, you should get everything out on the table as early as possible. It’ll help you avoid having a more hostile conversation about it later.

2. Take the Time to Include Your Parents in Fun Family Activities

Although it’s a good idea to start speaking to your aging parents about important issues sooner than later, that shouldn’t be all that you discuss with them as they get older. Your parents are still people, too, and they want to have plenty of fun things to look forward to in life, even if they’re not capable of doing everything they used to do.

One of the best ways to maintain a strong relationship with your parents as they get older is to include them in activities that you and your family do. Your parents will really enjoy going out to eat with you, attending church, and even going out to see a movie or watch a ballgame.

You might even want to take them with you when you and your kids go on vacation.

It may take a little bit of extra planning and effort on your part to include your parents in these kinds of activities. But it will go a long way towards maintaining your relationship with them, and it will also make it much easier for you to have difficult conversations when they come up.

3. Treat Your Parents With the Respect They Deserve At All Times

Your aging parents may not get around as well as they used to. They may also tell the same stories over and over and over again. They may even start to show signs of their age and seem “out of it” at times.

Despite these things, you should continue to treat your parents with respect, no matter what happens. It may begin to feel like you are the parent, especially if you have to take care of their medical needs and keep a close eye on them at all times.

But your parents are still your parents, and you should keep that in mind when you interact with them.

4. Practice Patience Even When It Seems Difficult to Do

Learning how to deal with parents as they get older can be a long process. In many cases, you will have to work at your evolving relationship with them for a long time before you both feel comfortable with it.

It requires a lot of patience both on your part and the part of your parents. Rather than getting frustrated because your dad won’t take his vitamins or your mom won’t shed light on her finances, be as patient as you can be. Emphasize that you are simply trying to do what’s best for your parents when you communicate with them.

The older your parents, the more patient you will likely have to be. But don’t give up on them! By being patient, you will eventually grow into your new role and keep your relationship with them as positive as it can be.

5. Turn to Your Siblings and Other Family Members for Help

There are going to be times when, quite frankly, you just can’t stand dealing with your parents for one more minute. At those times, it’s best to get away for awhile and allow someone else to help them, whether it be your sibling, another family member, or even a family friend.

You should also consider bringing in a professional for certain jobs. For instance, if your aging parents won’t take the medications that have been prescribed to them, it could be easier to have a nurse come every day or two to administer them rather than arguing with your parents yourself.

By taking these steps, you can hold on to your relationship with your parents and prevent their age from factoring into it as they grow older.

Get Help With Your Aging Parents Now

If you’re having trouble dealing with your aging parents at the moment, you don’t have to do it alone. You definitely aren’t the only person having a hard time coming to terms with this problem. You can educate yourself about it to find new techniques for communicating with your parents when things get difficult.

Check out our blog for more information on dealing with important family issues.

Keeping romance alive with a special night away

October 6, 2017 by Mandy

Everybody knows that it’s important for married couples to continue to make time for each other. The trouble is that there are so many things that can get in the way, because we all have domestic chores to do, and parental obligations to meet. Before you know it a week has gone by, or even many weeks, and you haven’t had a moment alone together.

It’s all too easy to just let things slide, but there’s only one way to change that situation. You have to make a conscious decision to change it, plan out what you intend to do and then put that plan into action.

“Let’s run away together!”

There’s no better way to rediscover each other than by going away together on a trip, just the two of you. Think of it as a mini-vacation – the kind of vacation you used to have before you became parents.

However, you might find that arranging a whole weekend away may just prove too difficult – it means putting your regular life on hold for too long a time, there’s too much to organize, and it might just be too expensive.

Don’t let all that put you off, though – just make it a break for one special night instead of two. Is it really worth going through all the trouble a trip will entail just for one night? Yes, it absolutely is – and you’ll be amazed how much difference even one night alone with each other can make. It’s not just a mini-vacation, it’s a mini-honeymoon!

“We can’t! We’re poor!”

Even if your budget is limited, a trip like this is still definitely possible. Staying at a cozy, old-fashioned inn needn’t cost the earth – and if you prefer modern to old-fashioned, try Airbnb, who have all kinds of rooms to rent cheaply.

You shouldn’t rule out hotels, either. Many big hotels are desperate to find guests to fill their rooms when it’s off-season – and hotels that are kept busy with corporate business during the working week are often deserted at weekends.

There are also bargain deals to be found on the internet – or else you could just approach the hotel of your choice directly. It’s worth noting that room rates for a Friday night are often way cheaper than those for a Saturday or Sunday night.

Some big hotels will also offer a special deal on dinner for two in their restaurant – or else you could load up with wine and delicious deli snacks to enjoy in the privacy of your own room (hotels tend to frown on that, so you might have to smuggle them in). Hotels also often have swimming pools and saunas, a good way to relax and unwind before dinner.

You could even make a night away together your anniversary present to each other – or else a Christmas gift to each other that you could redeem in January or February. Nothing takes the gloom off a grey winter’s day better than being alone with your loved one in front of a roaring fire.

“We can’t! We have kids!”

Of course, you have to find somewhere safe for your kids to stay while you’re away overnight. If either of your parents lives within easy reach, they’d probably be delighted to have a visit from their grandchildren. You could even book yourselves into a hotel that’s nearer to them, which would make picking the kids up easier the next day.

Or else – if your parents aren’t around, or are getting a little too old to cope with all the noise and chaos involved, then perhaps one of your siblings is available and would like to have their niece or nephew over to stay. After all, it’s only for one night.

If none of your family are able to help out, you could pack your offspring off to one of their friends for a sleepover instead – of course, you’ll have to return the favor one day, but on those terms, most people are happy to help out if they can.

“We can’t! We have pets!”

Pets are a little harder to arrange for than kids (though perhaps your family can still help out). There are always boarding kennels, but apart from the question of fees they may not be keen to have an animal for just one night – and they often get booked up for months in advance anyway.

Your best bet would probably be to find a friendly, pet-loving neighbor who wouldn’t mind dropping by to walk and feed them for you, and even if you find someone to regularly check on your pets, still check out automatic pet doors for sale. If your garden is safe for your dog to roam on his own, this could allow your pooch to get fresh air without having to wait for their dog sitter to arrive.

“We can’t! We simply can’t get away!”

Of course, it isn’t absolutely necessary to go somewhere else to enjoy some ‘we’ time, and – even though a change of scenery can work wonders – with a little organization you can reclaim the comfort of your own home. All you really need is to be undisturbed by the kids – so sending them off on a sleepover is probably the best way of making sure you’re left in peace and have the house to yourself.

Once your kids are sorted and safe, make sure you utilize the free time you’ve created. Put phones aside (tell anyone to phone the home phone if it’s an emergency), cook a meal and share some wine. Enjoy one another’s company, and remember how fun it used to be, before life got hectic.

Look to Repeat

Once you’ve done it, you’ll realize how easy spending time with one another can be; therefore, look at the calendar and mark off a date for next time. If it’s possible, make it a fortnightly occurrence, however, if that isn’t possible, a monthly date night could suffice. Every couple needs alone time. Make sure to reclaim your relationship.

How to Convince Your Partner to Try Marriage Counseling

May 9, 2017 by Mandy

If you think you and your spouse or long term partner could benefit from some couples counseling, you may be on to a very good idea. Many couples have worked through issues, learned to communicate and express their feelings better, and strengthened their relationships by talking to an independent and professionally trained person. However, it can be hard to raise the subject, and not everyone is open to the idea of seeking professional help for private matters. Here is some advice if you want to persuade your partner that going for counseling sessions would benefit you both:

Don’t Raise It During an Argument

Some people take suggestions of marriage counseling as a criticism of how they are ‘performing’ as a partner. This makes them feel defensive, and like they are being judged. Of course, this makes them far less receptive to the idea, and they can also begin to feel insecure that you consider the relationship to be in trouble. To minimize the chances of them taking it in this way, never raise the matter during an argument, or when you are upset. You shouldn’t make it feel like you want to go to counseling because of something they have said or done in a given moment, but as a means to generally improve your relationship.

Naturally, some situations are different, for example if you want to seek counseling to help your relationship get over an instance of infidelity, it is natural that you won’t be on an even footing in deciding to do it. However, in most cases where you just want to improve communication and reduce friction, it is more constructive to raise it as something that stands to make your relationship ‘even better’, rather than to correct one sided issues.

Consider Their Objections

If your partner objects at first, don’t just write this off as being stubborn. Try to find out just why they are uncomfortable with the idea, and give them reassurance or information to help assuage their concerns. Perhaps they feel that you don’t need it, because they think counseling is for couples on the brink of divorce. If that is the case, assure them that many people who are in strong, stable relationships go to counseling to keep working to keep their relationships strong. Maybe they don’t like the idea of talking to a stranger about personal things. In this case, you could show them some research into why counseling is effective. Try and understand where they are coming from, rather than pushing through their concerns.

Think About Other Options

Some people simply aren’t comfortable with the idea of going to therapy sessions, but you don’t need to give up. You can also consider the option of online marriage counseling. This would allow your partner to feel things were a bit more private and discrete, which may be enough to persuade them to give it a try.

Remember that one of the points of counseling is to improve communication. So try and make sure the way you communicate and how much you are willing to compromise while trying to persuade your partner to attend is already showing you moving in the right direction.